Tutor-Private Teaching and Learning

Every parent is eager to teach responsibility to his children, but very few parents can definitely say what responsibility stands for. It is a common knowledge that a responsible person is someone who is punctual, disciplined and organized. Another question arises: what should parents and teachers do to teach their children and pupils to be responsible.

How to build up responsibility.
The first and the most important rule is that responsibility as well as obedience cannot be imposed on children. It must grow from within. The role of a tutor is quite important. If a child is always told what to do, he may do his tasks very well, but he gets little opportunity to use his own judgement and to develop the sense of responsibility. A tutor should give his pupil opportunities for choosing and deciding things for himself.

Is it necessary to be critical? A child is learning all the time. The process of learning is associated with making mistakes. At least sometimes a child is sure to be in the wrong. How to find the best way to explain a child`s mistakes without severe criticism. If a child is constantly criticized about his actions and decisions he won`t learn responsibility. So, the first lesson in inculcating a sense of responsibility is not to criticize.

The role of a tutor in the process of building up responsibility.
If the answer to a child`s request is a definite “yes”, it`s much better to leave the decision to the child. A qualified tutor can develop his pupil`s sense of responsibility and also heighten his self-confidence. If a tutor asks for his pupuil`s judgements and advice, if a tutor demonstrates how important his pupil`s opinion is, as a result his pupil is gaining a sense of dignity as an individual. He likes to be treated as such. He develops a stronger sense of responsibility. The happiness of a child depends on a degree of love and approval adults give him. To teach a pupil to be responsible, a tutor should be on the child`s side. Being on the side of a child means to give him support and love – not possessive or sentimental love – just behave in such a way that lets a child feel that a tutor approves of him and appreciates him.

Any process is based on definite rules and regulations. No matter if it is the process of production or the process of education. If people keep within the rules they make progress. But what happens if they don`t.

Penalties against the fixed rules.
In my childhood I once read the book about a teacher, whose name was Miss Dove. Her pupils used to call her “terrible Miss Dove”. She seemed to be the most unpleasant and absolutely heartless person. She has her special rules about children`s behavior in class. Her rules were as fixed as the signs of the zodiac. Every child knew them and he tried to keep within. If he didn`t, he could find himself in trouble. If a child introduced a pencil or a pen in his mouth, he was to wash his mouth with laundry soap. If his posture was incorrect, he had to sit for a while on a stool without a back-rest. If a page in his copy-book was untidy, he had to rewrite it. Children were afraid of leaving the class of coughing, of making any noise. Few people would defend Miss Dove`s tactics, the rest would criticize and even blame her for being cruel. They would have been amazed if they had learnt that Miss Dove`s pupils were grateful to her afterwards for being strict and demanding.

Should punishment be used in class?
In the past parents and teachers knew where they stood. The children were to be seen and not heard. The situation changed not long ago. Modern psychologists did away with spanking. The child`s happiness is all-important. But what about parents` and teachers` happiness? What should a teacher do when his pupil gaily romps about, pulling the place apart. A teacher has no right even to shout. Corporal punishment is out of the question. No modern child-rearing manual would permit such barbarity. Where is the way out? Not all kinds of punishment are acceptable but it is inevitable as a phenomenon to control discipline. A tutor has got enough time and opportunities for watching and analyzing his pupil`s behavior. This is an advantage of a tutor`s position in comparison with a teacher`s work at school. If the process of learning is individualized, it would be unwise to shout and to moralize while communicating eye to eye. Sometimes a tutor`s intonation and the expression of his face can be the severest punishment for a pupil. If the device works it shows that a tutor has succeeded.

The question of freedom for children is quite a contradictory one. The usual argument against freedom for children is the following: Life is hard and we must train the children so that they will fit into life later on. We must therefore discipline them. If adults allow children to do what they like how they ever be able to obey their teachers at school, to serve under a boss? How they ever be able to exercise self-discipline.

What does freedom stand for.
What do we usually mean when we speak about freedom? What is it fir? And what is being free? Who is responsible for child`s being free or not? His parents? His teachers at school? May be all his surroundings? The freedom, the happiness and well-being of children depend on a degree of love and approval the adults give them. But, if there is too much love? Is it good, when a child roams the streets after school, because he is free to decide when he is to come home and what to do? Do his parents really trust him or only pretend to do so? Do his parents really love him if they permit him to watch TV for hours or come back home late at night? The answer is obviously negative. The parents` desire to give their child freedom turns out to be a disaster.

Free or obedient.
Another question is: what should a tutor do with a child who is quite uncontrollable because of parents` lax authority and permissiveness. Children are hardy creatures and gradually they can overcome the consequences of parents` permissiveness. A qualified tutor is able to assist them in the process of recovering. It doesn`t mean that a tutor is to impose anything by authority. It could be wrong. Obedience is necessary, but it must come from within – not be imposed from without. Children need love, but not less they need respect. A strict and respectful tutor is able to assist his pupil in becoming self-disciplined and responsible.